AUTOMATED SAMARITANS

HELLO THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE SAMARITANS

SO WE CAN FIND OUT THE TYPE OF PHONE YOU HAVE

PLEASE PRESS THE STAR BUTTON TWICE NOW…………..

THANK YOU. YOU NOW HAVE  5  CHOICES

                               IF YOUR HUSBAND HAS LEFT YOU OR LEAVING YOU                                                               PRESS  1

IF YOUR WIFE HAS LEFT YOU OR LEAVING YOU                                                                         PRESS  2

IF YOU HAVE LOST OR ABOUT TO LOSE YOUR JOB                                                                   PRESS 3

IF YOU WISH TO COMMIT HOMICIDE, GENICIDE OR SUICIDE                                                    PRESS  4

IF YOU WISH YOU WERE GAY, LESBIAN OR OTHER                                                           PRESS  5

GENTLY NOW………………

THANK YOU. YOU HAVE SELECTED   4

YOU NOW HAVE 4 CHOICES

IF YOU WISH TO TALK TO A MAN                                                                                                    PRESS 1

IF YOU WISH TO TALK TO A WOMAN                                                                                               PRESS 2

IF YOU WISH TO LISTEN TO A TAPE OF RICHARD AND JUDY                                       PRESS 3

IF YOU WISH TO TALK TO A BRICK WALL                                                                                       PRESS 4

THANK YOU, YOU HAVE SELECTED   2

YOU NOW HAVE   3   CHOICES

IF YOU WISH YOU WERE NOT YOU                                                                                                  PRESS 1

IF YOU WISH YOU WERE YOU, BUT FEEL LIKE YOU WISH YOU WEREN’T                                   PRESS 2

IF YOU WISH YOU ONCE WERE WHAT YOU WAS WHEN YOU WISHED YOU WEREN’T YOU     PRESS 3

THANK YOU, YOU HAVE SELECTED   3

YOU NOW HAVE  2  CHOICES.

IF YOU WISHED YOU WERE ALIVE                                                                                                   PRESS 1

IF YOU WISHED YOU WERE DEAD                                                                                                    PRESS 2

THANK YOU. YOU HAVE SELECTED   2

YOU HAVE NO MORE CHOICES……………………………….…………………………………………GOODBYE